I'm reading a book about men... called "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge.
It's very enjoyable; I highly recommend it.
Anyways... I read a line yesterday that I can't shake:
"Let people feel the weight of who you are and let them deal with it."
Woah, woah, WOAH.
I don't think I generally let people feel the weight of who I am. I think I endure far too much small talk and let people just think I'm the "nicest" person they've ever met.
I'm not saying I don't want to be nice or I don't want people to think of me as nice.
I just don't want that to be the dominate characteristic that people see in me.
If people were to describe me, I think that "nice" would be somewhere near the top of the list, somewhere that I wish words like "powerful" or "motivating" or "challenging" or even "insane" should be. I am sick of being the nice girl. I want to be the crazy, different, radical, powerful one.
But I don't think I'm ready to let people feel the weight of who I am. I've suppressed that for so long, hid my true weight from anyone that I don't consider a "close friend." I don't even know how to let strangers or even acquaintances feel the weight of my true self. I don't want to keep putting on a mask, but I don't know how not to.
"Hi, I'm Lauren and I'm what you would call a Jesus freak, and if you really knew me, I'm not sure you would like me so much." Ha. Ha. ha.
6.24.2010
6.23.2010
A Battle Against Doubt
Today, I have a challenge for you:
Do the thing you doubt that you can.
The thing that your heart says, "I really want to do this." But your head told you that you were too _____ or not enough _____ to do it.
When we are going to attempt great things for God, the devil will sneak in and pour doubts and discouragement into our minds. He will stop at nothing to see that the greatness within us set there by God does not surface, that it becomes ineffectual--that we even forget its there. But God is stronger than him, much stronger. And he is in us who follow Christ and claim him as our savior. It's time that Christians stood up to the doubt and irrational fears planted to stop us and fight to do what God has placed on our hearts to do.
Maybe he wants you to pray for a stranger, maybe he's called you to share the gospel with your co-worker, or maybe he wants you to write a book.
It'll be hard, but it will be great. Blessings!
Do the thing you doubt that you can.
The thing that your heart says, "I really want to do this." But your head told you that you were too _____ or not enough _____ to do it.
When we are going to attempt great things for God, the devil will sneak in and pour doubts and discouragement into our minds. He will stop at nothing to see that the greatness within us set there by God does not surface, that it becomes ineffectual--that we even forget its there. But God is stronger than him, much stronger. And he is in us who follow Christ and claim him as our savior. It's time that Christians stood up to the doubt and irrational fears planted to stop us and fight to do what God has placed on our hearts to do.
Maybe he wants you to pray for a stranger, maybe he's called you to share the gospel with your co-worker, or maybe he wants you to write a book.
It'll be hard, but it will be great. Blessings!
6.19.2010
Nathan Speaks
Exactly one year and one week ago, my boyfriend Nathan Niemeier died in a car accident and went to be with Jesus. He was the one who really set my heart aflame for Christ and spreading the gospel to others. His story is a large part of my story, my testimony. Much of my writing speaks about how Nathan impacted me, how God is working for good in this situation, and the pain and struggles and joy tied with all of it.
I tried posting this to Nathan's facebook wall, but it was too long:
I'm reading through my journal from last summer... June 3rd, 2009. God must have been preparing me to deal with your loss. He knew that I needed to know this:
Hebrews 11:4- By faith Abel offered God a better sacrifice than Cain did. By faith he was commended as a righteous man when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith he still speaks, even though he is dead.
"Maybe faith is just knowing God intimately… knowing his love and how to praise him with your whole heart. That’s why Abel’s sacrifice was better—he gave God what he deserved—the very best. And because of his deep connection with God, he still speaks even in death. His story lives on and he lives with God now. If I act in faith, God will be pleased. And my story will still speak long after I’m gone. Faith in God is THAT powerful, that effective. Faith makes us bigger than we really are. By believing in God and his promises, we have so much more ability to do things! (Even after death on this earth.)”
Nathan, you gave God your best. Your faith was strong and your connection to God was deep, and that is why your story will continue to speak to people even though you are not here. Thank you.
I tried posting this to Nathan's facebook wall, but it was too long:
I'm reading through my journal from last summer... June 3rd, 2009. God must have been preparing me to deal with your loss. He knew that I needed to know this:
Hebrews 11:4- By faith Abel offered God a better sacrifice than Cain did. By faith he was commended as a righteous man when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith he still speaks, even though he is dead.
"Maybe faith is just knowing God intimately… knowing his love and how to praise him with your whole heart. That’s why Abel’s sacrifice was better—he gave God what he deserved—the very best. And because of his deep connection with God, he still speaks even in death. His story lives on and he lives with God now. If I act in faith, God will be pleased. And my story will still speak long after I’m gone. Faith in God is THAT powerful, that effective. Faith makes us bigger than we really are. By believing in God and his promises, we have so much more ability to do things! (Even after death on this earth.)”
Nathan, you gave God your best. Your faith was strong and your connection to God was deep, and that is why your story will continue to speak to people even though you are not here. Thank you.
6.16.2010
I'm in Love
I'm in love, I'm in love!
Let me shout it from the top of the universe!
I'm in love; wading in it, bathing in it, basking in it, living through it.
Love runs through my veins, pulses in my heart, flows through my hair, ignites my smile, makes my fingers and feet move,
makes my soul sing and tears burst forth from my heart.
This is what it feels like to be submerged in love:
to feel radiant, to feel as though the world is more vibrant and that I am more a part of this colorful earth than I was yesterday.
I know I am beautiful, that I am treasured and held close.
I know that I have been saved from death,
and that my Savior will never let me go,
never break His promises to me, never let my world fall apart.
He is mighty and valiant,
and He loves me--Oh, He loves me!
He whispers my name and tells me who I am.
He said that I was made to do great things--that my life is a lovely, unfolding story.
He is my everlasting prince, the one who has conquered the ultimate battle, all for me.
He gives me life to the fullest measure,
He gives me the strength I need when I am weak,
and when I can't stand anymore, He will.
And now I rinse myself in the flood of His love for me,
I let his light pour down on me like a waterfall. I'm in love.
The flowers near the waterfall are in full bloom;
He tells me I am like a flower.
My laughter is His delight.
My song is His pleasure.
My dancing makes His joy complete.
He watches over me night and day,
allowing me to dwell in His safety.
When I speak, He always listens.
He takes me by the hand and directs my path.
He tells the sunshine to fall down on me and kiss my skin.
He makes the wind tousle my hair
and brings the rain to show me rainbows.
He is my love. He is my God.
Let me shout it from the top of the universe!
I'm in love; wading in it, bathing in it, basking in it, living through it.
Love runs through my veins, pulses in my heart, flows through my hair, ignites my smile, makes my fingers and feet move,
makes my soul sing and tears burst forth from my heart.
This is what it feels like to be submerged in love:
to feel radiant, to feel as though the world is more vibrant and that I am more a part of this colorful earth than I was yesterday.
I know I am beautiful, that I am treasured and held close.
I know that I have been saved from death,
and that my Savior will never let me go,
never break His promises to me, never let my world fall apart.
He is mighty and valiant,
and He loves me--Oh, He loves me!
He whispers my name and tells me who I am.
He said that I was made to do great things--that my life is a lovely, unfolding story.
He is my everlasting prince, the one who has conquered the ultimate battle, all for me.
He gives me life to the fullest measure,
He gives me the strength I need when I am weak,
and when I can't stand anymore, He will.
And now I rinse myself in the flood of His love for me,
I let his light pour down on me like a waterfall. I'm in love.
The flowers near the waterfall are in full bloom;
He tells me I am like a flower.
My laughter is His delight.
My song is His pleasure.
My dancing makes His joy complete.
He watches over me night and day,
allowing me to dwell in His safety.
When I speak, He always listens.
He takes me by the hand and directs my path.
He tells the sunshine to fall down on me and kiss my skin.
He makes the wind tousle my hair
and brings the rain to show me rainbows.
He is my love. He is my God.
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