I'm reading a book about men... called "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge.
It's very enjoyable; I highly recommend it.
Anyways... I read a line yesterday that I can't shake:
"Let people feel the weight of who you are and let them deal with it."
Woah, woah, WOAH.
I don't think I generally let people feel the weight of who I am. I think I endure far too much small talk and let people just think I'm the "nicest" person they've ever met.
I'm not saying I don't want to be nice or I don't want people to think of me as nice.
I just don't want that to be the dominate characteristic that people see in me.
If people were to describe me, I think that "nice" would be somewhere near the top of the list, somewhere that I wish words like "powerful" or "motivating" or "challenging" or even "insane" should be. I am sick of being the nice girl. I want to be the crazy, different, radical, powerful one.
But I don't think I'm ready to let people feel the weight of who I am. I've suppressed that for so long, hid my true weight from anyone that I don't consider a "close friend." I don't even know how to let strangers or even acquaintances feel the weight of my true self. I don't want to keep putting on a mask, but I don't know how not to.
"Hi, I'm Lauren and I'm what you would call a Jesus freak, and if you really knew me, I'm not sure you would like me so much." Ha. Ha. ha.
Lauren, I think when people describe you as nice, it is a lot easier to say that than how you really impact them. I can't speak for everyone else but I'm sure I'm not alone when I say you are inspirational. Even though we haven't know each other very long, I have never been more inspired by a person in my life. You make people want to do the best and even change the world. I think thats the character people see even if they don't say it.
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